Notorious Retelling of Year

Only 45 days until Valentine's Day!

We just engaged in our favorite vacation activity — traveling to far away cities to get lost in other people's Walmarts.

While in Wally World, we passed by the bakery department. Guess what cookies they had baked and frosted?

Valentine's day cookies.

Who cares if they expire before the day of love. Don't you need cookies for your pre-Valentine's Day parties? You do have some planned for January don't you?

How else will you get in the spirit of the Valentine's Season?

Everest (Jean?) Williams

You thought I would start with the baby. But the latest arrival to our family is a dog.

That's right, I included a callback to last year's newsletter. The one where I mercilessly mocked people who have nothing going on in their lives except a new pet.

I know they have nothing else going on in their lives because it's the first thing they write about in their newsletter.

It's hard to imagine what life was like before FloorFluff the Rescue Donkey.

Everest is a great pyrenese, a moutain of white fur.

No, I didn't name her. Ellia named her after a character on one of her favorite shows, Paw Patrol.

MomBrain gave her a middle name, I think.

We took Everest with us on a quick vacation to Dallas. Our plan was to drop her off at my in-laws with instructions not to boil her skull down into a potion for nail biting. (This is a veiled reference to my mother-in-law who is three credits shy of becoming a certified witch doctor).

We filled every available seat of our mini-minivan. I drove, MomBrain road shotgun, Ellia behind her, baby behind me, Jillian behind baby. To the side of The Amazing Jillian is another seat that we folded down so we could cram in the baby's Automatic Rocking Bed 5000, with extra trippable cord length.

That left the floorboard for Everest...

the floor...

Ellia's lap...

Jillian's lickable face...

the center console...

the place in front of Mom's seat where her feet go...

...Dad's coffee.

After the dog wagged her tail in The Extraordinary Ellia's face for the second time, the two of them had a parting of ways.

Ellia began howling.

Why did we have to bring this dog? The dog is so smelly! Ew, gross! I don't want the dog to be with us.

That was Hour 1 of a four-hour trip.

MomBrain turned and called, "Everest Jean!"

The only thing is, "Jean" is Ellia's middle name.

With so many lifechanging moments to share with you, I'll have to take an intermission before Part 2.

Look out for my next letter tomorrow.

(We're home now and the ducks survived on their own — all 11 of them! And the yet-unamed chicken! I couldn't be prouder. They didn't even follow our firstborn dog Woody out of the tunnel he dug to escape into our neighbor's yard).

Ducks say "Hi."

— DadFace

P.S. - No writing tips included in The Notorious End-of-Year Retelling.

P.P.S - MomBrain said the dog's full name is actually "Everest Evangelical Williams." And I said, "That spells 'EEW.'"