My Ducks Escaped

It was raining. MomBrain walked inside holding some grocery bags and said, “Your ducks are in Rick’s front lawn.”

Weird, I’d told them to stay in the backyard.

“All of them,” Hannah continued. “Except Yo-Mama and the chicken, of course.”

No, this letter is not about Felicity, and yes, I’ll finish her birth story. Just not today. I thought it might be nice to update you on the ducks. And they keep asking when they will be in the newsletter. I think that may be one of the reasons they ran away.

I’m not sure if the flock strategically kept her back as a lookout or deliberately skipped town without her.

I ran outside, got wet, and scooped some food for Yo-Mama and the chicken. (I just realized our chicken still does not have a name.)

My strategy was simple. The ducks would hear Yo-Mama eating and come back.

This might have worked if the ducks had been close enough to hear Yo-Mama and if they didn’t have a ready supply of corn from Rick’s deer feeder.

Rick assures me he is not hunting the deer, just watching them on his game camera. I’m happy for him to hunt, but since Rick’s my next-door neighbor, probably the safer call.

I ran over to Rick’s yard with a scoop of food and an empty plastic container. I poured the food from the scoop into the container a few times.

This got the ducks attention.

I was able to get them to follow me back to the fence from whence they came. I poured some of the food down the back of the fence so that it fell mostly in my backyard but some spilled into the hole Wood had dug.

Oh yes, Woody is the reason the ducks got out. He’s the reason I got rained on.

I thought at this point the ducks would look for the food and eventually retrace their steps into my yard.

But it’s not easy herding 10 ducks.

Beeblebrox had assumed lead drake in their formation. He’s a white duck with a crest/poof on the top of his head.

He did not look at the food.

He looked at me.

He called to the others and they followed him with a “quack, quack, quack,” to quote a beloved song we sang in Sunday school when I was 4 until someone complained and the scriptural basis of the song and it came under examination. Not having a chapter, verse, or remote affiliation with any known Bible story or even the Apocrypha, it was summarily canceled.

Worse, they were now headed towards the front of the property. Once they found the large spaces in the gate…

and waddled a short distance across the road…

they would be on the banks of our alligator-infested lake!

I decided to catch one of them.

This was easier said than done because in my haste I had neglected to bring my fishing net. I have a giant fishing net not unlike the one the Child Catcher uses in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I use it for catching stubborn ducks.

I pounced on poor Linda.

Linda is my most aggreable duck. She’s rather sociable, and she doesn’t ever put her all into getting away.

Some of the drakes are really quite impressive in their evasion maneuvers. They will duck and dart, beat their wings and even fly a couple of feet to get away from me.

Anyway, I stuffed Linda through the tunnel and over to my side of the fence.

Then I ran around and got in front of the flock to turn them towards the hole under the fence, which was in the back corner of the property.

They stopped and I could tell they could hear Linda and Yo-Mama quacking.

Then, single file they headed for the hole.

Disappointed yet?

I haven’t said much about politics.

Lawmaking Season is officially underway in Texas, but I’ve been going on about Felicity’s birth. Or, more accurately, everything but Felicity’s birth.

Think about it… we’ve covered:

• Where Felicity was born

• How far away Felicity was born

• The drivers on the road to where Felicity was born

Well, this issue I will give you a dose of politics. Some of you know I work for a member of the Texas House of Representatives. If you’ve said anything to me in the last 8 years, I’ve told you.

It’s not ego (well, not completely). When I spend most of my days and even some nights working on the “will of the people” (okay, that was a little over the top), I have little else in my head.

If you live in Texas, you may actually want to know what is going on under the Pink Dome (named for the granite our Capitol was built with). Or maybe you’re just curious…

Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered. In my day job, I write updates about the legislative session.

(Warning: my boss also contributes to the end product, so it reads nothing like Dear DadFace.)

You can read our first update “Lawmaking Season Starts with a Fight.” It’s about a fight we got into trying to ban Democrats from chairing committees. Click here to read the article.

DadFace Directive: None of that was writing advice, but this graphic illustrating consistency is.

Ducks say “Hi.”

-DadFace